Day 2 - The Brutal Truth

In order to start on this arduous journey of weight loss, one of things I think that everyone has to face is The Brutal Truth about oneself. As least, at first, in terms of eating habits and workout routines. Just before I started this journey, I really had no workout routine. Zero. None. Zilch. I also ate a lot of fast food, my remedy for my constant excuse of “no time to cook.” There was a part of me that had to see this reality before taking the plunge to change my lifestyle. Have I regressed the past couple weeks while sick? Yes, but not completely and now I am even more determined to live a healthy lifestyle that I can maintain for my lifetime.

A side effect to this journey, is that you start to think about all the other areas of your life that need improvement as well. From things like “I need to stop biting my nails” to “What am I doing with my life?” Now let me say that I have always over-analyzed, stressed and worried about most everything in my life. I can’t remember a time in my life where I didn’t always want to dissect every minuscule details. So, it is normal for me to questions where I am going in life. However, now that I am taking on the body issues, I feel like I am also starting to shed some of my excuses for why I haven’t accomplished certain things in my life. FAT is a really great excuse to not try something new. Do I want to go to Europe? Of course – when I lose some weight, I don’t want to be the FAT American. Do I want to change my career? Why yes I do – but I don’t want to interview for a new job until I lose weight – no one will want to hire the FAT girl. Do I want to find a boyfriend? Ummm, yea, its been almost *cough* years since I’ve had one, but no one is seeing this body naked.

Those excuses will hopefully be no more within this year – am I ready to start living the life I have been telling myself that I want? Am I ready to deal with the emotional, spiritual and mental issues that I have avoided for so long? Will those issues be easier to deal with when I am living a healthy life? I would like to say YES to all three. (Photo Link)

Time to move forward,

Day 1 - My Lotion Is Making Me FAT

Hi all - Decided to start at "Day 1" again - I haven't hopped on the scale yet, but I think it will be better for my sanity just to start over with counts as I am fairly sure I have gained most (if not all weight) back during my illness. I will make my tracker updates this weekend.

(Photo Image) Anywho, as to the title of the newbie post? Well, at work today one of my co-workers informed me of the hcg diet she is on. From what I can tell, hcg is a hormone produced by the placenta during pregnancy and regulates your metabolism. She is taking this and only eating 500 calories a day for 23 DAYS. You are supposed to lose anywhere from .5 to 3 lbs PER DAY. This seems a little insane to me - of course you are going to lose weight when you are basically starving yourself and won't you gain all the weight back when you start eating normally (even if healthy) again? What brought on this topic was she had this really odd looking bottle of some kind of lotion on her desk. Why does she have this odd bottle? Well, allegedly any lotions you use with oils seeps into you body as fat and you are not allowed to have any fatty oils until towards the end of the diet. So, by that logic, the oil from greasy fries on my fingers is also to blame for my FAT. I am sure I was looking at her like she was a little crazy, so I thought it was funny when I was telling her about my lifestyle change of working out everyday (back on plan today, YEA!), portion control, avoiding processed foods and blogging - she was looking at me like I was crazy.

As mentioned, I did workout for 30 minutes this morning and I actually feel like myself again today (Hi ME, I MISSED you!). Excited to be back in the game!

On my "crazy" journey,

Do you ever really "catch up"?

Photo Link

OMG! So now that I am feeling like myself again, I feel like I need a vacation. The past few days have been nuts trying to get caught up with everything. I've decided to withdraw from school the rest of the quarter, there is no way I am going to get caught up in the next few weeks and I feel like even if I did I wouldn't get what I wanted out of my class. This, of course, is going to be a huge pain in the a**. As is trying to get paid for the time I was out - I basically have to use short-term disability and the paperwork and hoops are unbelievable. I figure I will be back on track by the 20th of March (isn't that the Ides of March or something? Oh no wait, just looked it up, that is the 15th).

Since I am feeling pretty good today, I think tomorrow will be Day 1 back on the workout regime. I am excited to start working out again. No I haven't lost my mind. I'm not actually looking forward to the workout, I am looking forward to be able to post about it again. I think tonight I will sift through my workout DVD/Wii and see what I want to start back on, since it has been a few weeks I may have to work up to the harder stuff again.

Still been eating like crap, but since I started back to work yesterday, my lunches are on track. We have a "bistro" at work and there is a salad bar that always has fresh vegetable goodness. I won't make it to the grocery store until Sunday so I am just going to have to do my best until then. Once my eating is back on track I think I will start posting my weekly menus. I know, I know you are really excited for that :)

Anywho, just wanted to put a quick post out there so you didn't think I forgot about my BlogLife.

Here is to playing catch up,

Woozy Wednesday

I'm still kind of a mess today, but I am definately getting better, so that is exciting.

On Day 30 I happily posted a picture of my calendar where I put two stickers for every day I worked out. I had hoped to have a perfect February, but that is not going to happen. I will still take a pic of February, it will be really good except for two weeks in the middle :) Maybe March will be perfect!

Anywho, I am running low on my sticker supplies so I went on the hunt a few weeks ago for a buttload of stickers and I found them at a this website. There was a lot of variety and I can't wait to start using them to give myself some sticker love!

It's hard to tell what they are from the photo, but basically there are bugs, smiley faces, sea creatures, snowmen, balloons, kids, stars, apples, dogs, cats, suns and ones that say things like "Top Notch." I know it is a silly thing, but it makes me feel really great to have a two sticker day!

Have a two sticker day,

Richard Simmons Made Me Cry

During my prolonged illness, I have been watching a lot of crap TV. Today, I was lucky enough to catch the 100th episode of Dr. Oz and he was celebrating folks who had lost over 100 lbs. Some of these amazing folks shared some tips on how they lost the weight, here are some of their thoughts:

• Losing weight is persistance + patience. We didn't gain the weight in two weeks and we won't lose it in two weeks.
• Losing weight turned my fear into freedom.
• When I'm hungry in between meals I set the kitchen timer for 15 minutes. When it dings I reevaluate if I am hungry, 9 times out of 10 - I'm not.
• I drink the juice I crave out of the small bathroom paper cups, or I put that amount into my water.
• If I am at a party or event I rate the food from 1 to 10. If it is a 10 then I have a little of it.
• Get rid of your "fat" clothes when you shrink out of them.
• If I have a treat, then I do an extra 10 minutes of physical activity.
• I know my trigger foods and I have found healthy alternatives for them.
• 15 calorie sugar free popsicles for my sweet fix.
• Automate your life, create routines to maintain your healthy lifestyle.

Richard Simmons was also a guest on the show, it really is amazing what he has been doing for the past 30 years. He has a huge heart and got weepy a few times when talking about his journey. He, of course, has been made fun of a lot for his antics, but at the end of the day he only wants to support people along their weight loss journey. Anywho, one of the things he said was just so sweet, "know that you are worth more than all the rainbows in the sky." I admit it, I am a total sap and cry and the drop of the hat, but I think it is really important that in order to be successful in this journey to lose weight and in life, it is imperative that we all know that we are important. If we don't value ourselves nobody else will.

Since we have all started on this journey we have decided that we are important. It is important that we live as healthy as we can so we can accomplish all the amazing things on our bucket lists.

Hopefully, I will soon be able to resume my workout schedule. I did some walking today, but it wore me out pretty quick. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Here is to being worth more than all the rainbows in the sky,

Doctor, Doctor!

Went to the doctor today and they are not going to release me back to work until Monday. I was trying for sometime this week, but then they freaked me out about getting worse so I decided to stick with the doctor's advice.

How's my eating? Terrible, when I was miserablely strolling the supermarket after I was released from the hospital I got mostly pasta, because that is easy to eat. I hope to make it to the store tomorrow to pick up some mushy healthier options.

How's my working out? Non-existent. I barely have the energy to sit upright at the moment so I haven't worked out. As soon as I am feeling better though it will be full steam ahead.

I have to say that being knocked on my a** with this illness has pissed me off. The good news is, is that I am excited to get back in the swing of taking better care of myself. Maybe tomorrow I can do at least a 15 minute workout, or just take a long leisurely walk, we'll see. I am just crossing my fingers that I don't gain back the weight I lost in January, but if I do, you better bet your bottom that it will come off again!

Love to you all!

Gird Your Loins

Girl Scout Cookie season is upon us folks, stay strong for me and I will stay strong for you!

What's best

Trying to take care of oneself is hard with the responsibilities of your life circling in your mind. I didn't get as much rest as I should've today because I was stressing about what needs to be done. I am going to try and do better tomorrow.

Didn't work out today, I think the combination of Percocet and aerobics wouldn't be the most genius move on my part. But I have been trying to stay as mobile as is comfortable for me. Since my bed is on the 2nd level and the kitchen is on the first level, it has kind of been forced on me :)

Down, But NOT Out

Hi all - So this has been a crazy fun week - NOT :)

I've been sick and was admitted to a hospital on Tuesday. Just made it home after the 2 hour long discharge and 1 hour of waiting for my new prescriptions to be filled. The insurance company wouldn't pay for one of the prescription, because it was for the same antibiotic I got on Sunday. Mind you I threw out that first prescription because the Dr. wrote me a new one and we all know you have to finish a full round of antibiotics. But anyway the prescription was only $17.50 so F* the insurance company,  I paid for it my damn self - they don't own me!

There are a lot of things you think about while laying in a hospital bed (other than why daytime TV is so horrible). One of the things that I kept thinking about was that I am still fairly "healthy" for a fat person. I don't have any of the diseases or symptoms that WILL eventually come along with carrying the extra weight. The key word of course in that last sentence is WILL.

*Warning very personal info in the next paragraph*

On Sunday when I was in the most pain I've been in in a very long time. I kept thinking "What if this kills me? What if after I finally I make the decision to change my lifestyle a tooth infection kills me? Who does it really affect if I die?" When you're single with no kids that tends to cross your mind when faced with death. We are constantly reminded how important family is, and it is not that I don't think having kids and a husband would be great, but that just hasn't been my path in life yet. Now, of course, when I was in the hospital my mom, dad, brother, BFF, 3 bosses, a few friends and the teenagers that I work with let me know I am important to them, which means more than anything in the entire world. Even if just one person would be hurt by my leaving, isn't that enough? I think so, because if you were that one person, it would matter to you.

Anyway, I am not going to weigh in this week, I am going to take care of myself and listen to my body (I have the most genius ideas sometimes) and do what I can. When I am able to get my 30 minute workouts done again I will, until then all I can do is my best.

Sorry, if this is a little scattered, I am sure I will have more fluid thoughts in the days to come. Can't wait to catch up on everyone's blogs tomorrow!

MIA

It's been a bad week, will catch you all up later, but I wanted to post so that you didn't think I forgot about you all. Hope everyone's journey is going well, I will let you all in all the "exciting" activities of the past week once I am back in the saddle.

Day 34 - It just keeps going and going and going...

Greetings all!

Still just trying to make it through to Sunday (well really until the end of March, but let's not think about that). I have taken some "me" time this week, which I don't have time for, but which I need. I went and saw a musical on Wednesday and it was WAY too much fun and tonight I went to dinner with a friend and watched Saw VI. Saw definitely isn't for everyone, but I do love them for some sick reason.

My weekly weigh-in is tomorrow. Not sure if I will have a loss this week, but either way I am still making progress. This week has been tough and normally I would take that as a pass to not worry about my health, but (minus the two dinners out this week) I have only been eating food I have cooked/prepared at home. Working out has been rough this week with many late nights working on homework and such. I've still worked out everyday, but it hasn't been as hard or as long as I would've liked (hmmm, did that sound dirty?)

Anywho, hope you all are doing well!

Day 33 - I had a dream...about you

Hi all - just a quick post. This week has been nuts, just trying to make it to Sunday :)

I have a few memories that center around me being overweight, I've shared one and here is another. By giving it up to the blogging world I feel that I am minimizing the power of these memories by releasing them from the dark recesses of my mind.


Another saga from Days of Being Fat:

I was at a party years ago and one of my guy friends came up to me and said, "I had this dream about you last night, you had lost a lot of weight and you were totally hot."

Hmmm, what does one say to that? :)

Day 31 - Premature Comentation

Did the title catch your attention? Thought it might :) Yes, I know that "comentation" isn't a real word, because my spellcheck tells me so.

I got the nothing could be better, most amazing compliment today..."You're looking thinner, are you losing weight?"


BA-BAM!

I feel it is a little premature since it was from someone who knows my plan to lose and it is only 6.4 lbs so far - but F* it I'll take it!

Have too much work to do, so I'm off to SAVE THE WORLD!  

No, I am not drunk, how dare you :)

Sleep tight bloggerland!

Day 30 - One month down

Greetings all - This is a photo of my wall calendar - for every day that I work out, I put 2 stickers to mark that day as complete. LOOK HOW PRETTY!!! Look how naked the 1st and 2nd look, so very, very sad :(

It is one small thing that makes me feel very good. It's so nice to proudly put two stickers on a day and mark the achievement. Hopefully next month I won't have any "naked" days.

One thing I have been thinking about is how to "reward" myself for goals being met and what would those goals be for me?

Would it be weight-driven? Measurement driven? Number of times working out driven? Number of days I have been eating right?

Also - what would those rewards be? In the midst of trying to lose weight I am also trying to control my spending a bit more, so I don't want extravagant rewards or food rewards. I think food rewards would be a slippery slope for me.  I don't feel a need at the moment to look forward to a reward other than the additional sticker on the calendar, but as the process will be long I do want to mark my achievements - whatever they may be...

What are your milestones? What are you choosing to reward yourself with?