How do you lose weight? How do you work towards the life you want?

SHEER. GRIM. DETERMINATION.

(and a healthy sense of humor)


6/1/10

40 minutes achieved

Hi all -

My face is red and I'm dripping sweat, but I am smiling because I did make it through the full 40-minute DVD today, yay!

 

5/31/10

While I was out...

On my last post before on of my "breaks" I was granted an award from Genie . Thank you so much Genie!

Being the slacker blogger I am, I am going to only complete the first part of the rules (since I am so uber behind on reading blogs) I will nomiate folks soon.

Six outrageous lies and one outrageous truth:

1. I am married with 10 wonderful children.
2. I am Facebook friends with the Dalai Lama.
3. I strip on weekends for extra cash.
4. I own well over 500 books.
5. I have a degree in animal husbandry.
6. My favorite fruit is tomatoes.
7. I won the lottery and donated it all.

Reading crazy,

Cardio Party?

Hi all -

Trying a new workout this week - The FIRM Cardio Party. It is a 40-minute workout with no equipment needed. I was an idiot and tried it after I had breakfast and got a cramp pretty quickly, I may try again this afternoon. AnyWAY the first 10 minutes kicked my butt, I'm not very coordinated and they change it up pretty quick. I'm hoping by the end of the week I won't be cussing them out nearly as much. From what I can tell though it will be fun...eventually. (link to pic)

For breakfast I had brown rice, chicken and egg - it was actually really good. I need to make it to the grocery store today so I not eat out all week. On Friday and Saturday I am working tech for a dance show (hanging lights and such) from about 8am to 10pm so I will try to still do my workouts so that the hanging light burning calories bit will be a bonus.

I have a music festival to go to in August so I am hoping to do some major FAT damage in the next couple months.

Happy FAT blasting you all,
 

5/28/10

Still alive

Not sure how life gets away from me so quickly. I am maintaining the loss I have so far, but haven't been able to up the workouts I have been able to do.

My mom has moved back to my state, and was living with me for about a month before she got her own place and I have an ex-boyfriend who knocked on my door...still deciding what to do about that.

I am transferring schools so that is good, I feel like it is going to be a better path to where I want to be long-term. The big goal is to some day run my own theatre, so X your fingers!

I'm a horrible blogger and someday I hope to be a better one.

Good news, is that with mom in town I can buy bulk stuff at Costco since she has a card. My favorite find so far is frozen Edamame, it is so easy to heat up for a quick meal/snack.

 

4/11/10

Weigh In

I finally did a weigh in (which I haven't done in a couple months) - I've lost 4 lbs, which I really wasn't prepared for. I was sure I was back up to my starting weight and would've started over on my weight loss ticker and weigh in tracker. Since I have lost weight I am going to not start over. I'm happy, really happy I haven't gained.

4/9/10

Pack Rat

Today I tried an "alternative" to a 30 minute standard workout. One of my "getting my life in order" projects is to get my house to an organized place it hasn't been two in over two years. What makes this task difficult is that I am a pack rat - close to hoarder, but luckily I haven't crossed that threshold yet.

I am ashamed to admit that the pile of clothes at the bottom of my stairs (to sort, clean and donate) should belong to a family of 4 and not to one person. I have filled this house to brim with all sorts of things - but I will probably have to donate a few more weekends to clean out all the crap that seeped into the crevices of my home.

I made huge strides today. Which included walking around my house most of the day and picking up stuff, going up and down the stairs and lifting various and as-sundry things. I definitely feel the workout, my legs are a little shaky and a couple of times I caught myself sweating. So, I didn't do 30 minutes but of the cumulation of cleaning (and taking a few breaks) since 8am this morning probably adds up to as many (if not more) calories I would've burned during that workout.

Of course I still have a lot more to do, so I will probably continue this workout plan through the weekend. My dream is to diligently go through every cupboard, shelf, drawer and closet and get rid of everything that I don't want/need/desire.

What are your favorite "alternative" exercises?

Blog you later,

4/7/10

Surprised I still have followers and I missed you all!

I admit it, I have slacked, completely and totally. I have fallen, jumped, flown, ran and lurched off the wagon. I am ashamed...but not really.

Sometimes life takes a detour and you have to focus on something else, not by choice (well maybe the not excercising was a little by choice).

Do I have a story to tell? Not really. I have been focusing on getting my house and job back in order. After two years of constantly being on the go both had kind of fallen off track. It has been nice to take the time to rest and organize, but it is time to get back on plan.

This week's goals:
  • Start working out in the morning for 30 minutes everyday
  • Stock the house with good food and start planning the weekly food on Sundays
  • Start blogging again.
Simple enough, right? Anyways, really looking forward to catching up on the happenings of blogworld.



3/4/10

Day 9 - Something Witty

Have been racking my brain to think of something witty to say today...since I haven't said anything witty yet, I assume you have figured out that this has been a fruitless task for me.

Maybe I will just tell you something about myself...

7 Random Facts About Me:

1. I was accepted into Up With People right after high school. I was there for officially 2 days before feeling like I had not been told the truth of what my experience would be.

2. I have had more than 50 jobs in 15 years. One of my least favorite jobs? Snow shoveling.

3. I made my first move from California to Colorado when I was 3 weeks old.

4. I once drank three sailors under the table.

5. I name all my cars - so far there has been MacBeth (jinxed myself with that one, that car had a horrible death), Shrew Tempest and Rizzo.

6. I played the oboe in Jr High and High School.

7. One of my favorite songs is Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen - I love to sing at the top of my lungs to it. Google the Muppet's version - it is super cute. (photo link)

Hope you have a wittier day!

3/3/10

Day 8 - Did I Say Every Day?

Ok, so I didn't blog yesterday - but I did make it to the grocery store, so that is good. I got some chicken,  eggs, fruits, nuts and veggies. Nothing fancy, just some fresh food to get me through the rest of the week. Luckily, there is a salad bar at work, so I don't have to worry about lunches. It is Day 8 of working out 30 minutes everyday and I am feeling great. I feel like I am getting closer to where I felt before getting sick. I forgot to weigh in last weekend and update my stats, so I will do that over this weekend.

Do you have someone in your life that drives you nuts? Pisses you off for no good (or sometimes good) reasons? Be it boss, friend, co-worker, family member? I have a couple that I work with that just piss me off. Why? They're mean. They say mean things, but can't handle it if you say mean things back. I am trying to get better about my reaction to their comments, but last night I had a major setback. They said something rude and I snapped back (with something like "bite me" - I know, how very mature of me). I don't want to be like that, and I especially don't want to still be pissed about it the next day. I am trying to let go - it will be healthier for my body to let these things go and not stress about them. It is something I would like to acheive in my journey to become more well-rounded. I am repeating to myself "only I control how I feel" to try and regain my sanity before I have to see said person again tonight.

I think it is working...maybe...maybe not so much. One person's advice was to only surround oneself with positive people and maybe I should cut this person out of my life. Which I have done with bad friendships in the past. However, if I cut this person out, then I am leaving a part-time job I love - but maybe that will open up another opportunity? I'm not sure.

How do you deal with rude people in your life?

Struggling to let it go,

3/1/10

Day 6 - Something Completely Different

Thanks for all the nice comments on my last post! I am going to work on not putting anything off just because of my weight.

February was no where close to a perfect month with working out (only 11 workout days) - but it is what it is. It's March now and I am excited. I think it is going to be a perfect month for working out. My goal this month is going to be to blog everyday (to keep myself on track) and workout everyday. I think I can do it!

This week is going to be rough, I didn't get my grocery shopping done yesterday so I am going to have to pick up healthy food where I can. I have work each day and also go to rehearsal three hours each night for a show I am working on that opens next week.

Anywho, back to work - talk to you tomorrow and have a wonderful day.

2/25/10

Day 2 - The Brutal Truth

In order to start on this arduous journey of weight loss, one of things I think that everyone has to face is The Brutal Truth about oneself. As least, at first, in terms of eating habits and workout routines. Just before I started this journey, I really had no workout routine. Zero. None. Zilch. I also ate a lot of fast food, my remedy for my constant excuse of “no time to cook.” There was a part of me that had to see this reality before taking the plunge to change my lifestyle. Have I regressed the past couple weeks while sick? Yes, but not completely and now I am even more determined to live a healthy lifestyle that I can maintain for my lifetime.


A side effect to this journey, is that you start to think about all the other areas of your life that need improvement as well. From things like “I need to stop biting my nails” to “What am I doing with my life?” Now let me say that I have always over-analyzed, stressed and worried about most everything in my life. I can’t remember a time in my life where I didn’t always want to dissect every minuscule details. So, it is normal for me to questions where I am going in life. However, now that I am taking on the body issues, I feel like I am also starting to shed some of my excuses for why I haven’t accomplished certain things in my life. FAT is a really great excuse to not try something new. Do I want to go to Europe? Of course – when I lose some weight, I don’t want to be the FAT American. Do I want to change my career? Why yes I do – but I don’t want to interview for a new job until I lose weight – no one will want to hire the FAT girl. Do I want to find a boyfriend? Ummm, yea, its been almost *cough* years since I’ve had one, but no one is seeing this body naked.

Those excuses will hopefully be no more within this year – am I ready to start living the life I have been telling myself that I want? Am I ready to deal with the emotional, spiritual and mental issues that I have avoided for so long? Will those issues be easier to deal with when I am living a healthy life? I would like to say YES to all three. (Photo Link)

Time to move forward,

2/24/10

Day 1 - My Lotion Is Making Me FAT

Hi all - Decided to start at "Day 1" again - I haven't hopped on the scale yet, but I think it will be better for my sanity just to start over with counts as I am fairly sure I have gained most (if not all weight) back during my illness. I will make my tracker updates this weekend.

(Photo Image) Anywho, as to the title of the newbie post? Well, at work today one of my co-workers informed me of the hcg diet she is on. From what I can tell, hcg is a hormone produced by the placenta during pregnancy and regulates your metabolism. She is taking this and only eating 500 calories a day for 23 DAYS. You are supposed to lose anywhere from .5 to 3 lbs PER DAY. This seems a little insane to me - of course you are going to lose weight when you are basically starving yourself and won't you gain all the weight back when you start eating normally (even if healthy) again? What brought on this topic was she had this really odd looking bottle of some kind of lotion on her desk. Why does she have this odd bottle? Well, allegedly any lotions you use with oils seeps into you body as fat and you are not allowed to have any fatty oils until towards the end of the diet. So, by that logic, the oil from greasy fries on my fingers is also to blame for my FAT. I am sure I was looking at her like she was a little crazy, so I thought it was funny when I was telling her about my lifestyle change of working out everyday (back on plan today, YEA!), portion control, avoiding processed foods and blogging - she was looking at me like I was crazy.

As mentioned, I did workout for 30 minutes this morning and I actually feel like myself again today (Hi ME, I MISSED you!). Excited to be back in the game!

On my "crazy" journey,

2/23/10

Do you ever really "catch up"?

Photo Link

OMG! So now that I am feeling like myself again, I feel like I need a vacation. The past few days have been nuts trying to get caught up with everything. I've decided to withdraw from school the rest of the quarter, there is no way I am going to get caught up in the next few weeks and I feel like even if I did I wouldn't get what I wanted out of my class. This, of course, is going to be a huge pain in the a**. As is trying to get paid for the time I was out - I basically have to use short-term disability and the paperwork and hoops are unbelievable. I figure I will be back on track by the 20th of March (isn't that the Ides of March or something? Oh no wait, just looked it up, that is the 15th).

Since I am feeling pretty good today, I think tomorrow will be Day 1 back on the workout regime. I am excited to start working out again. No I haven't lost my mind. I'm not actually looking forward to the workout, I am looking forward to be able to post about it again. I think tonight I will sift through my workout DVD/Wii and see what I want to start back on, since it has been a few weeks I may have to work up to the harder stuff again.

Still been eating like crap, but since I started back to work yesterday, my lunches are on track. We have a "bistro" at work and there is a salad bar that always has fresh vegetable goodness. I won't make it to the grocery store until Sunday so I am just going to have to do my best until then. Once my eating is back on track I think I will start posting my weekly menus. I know, I know you are really excited for that :)

Anywho, just wanted to put a quick post out there so you didn't think I forgot about my BlogLife.

Here is to playing catch up,

2/17/10

Woozy Wednesday

I'm still kind of a mess today, but I am definately getting better, so that is exciting.

On Day 30 I happily posted a picture of my calendar where I put two stickers for every day I worked out. I had hoped to have a perfect February, but that is not going to happen. I will still take a pic of February, it will be really good except for two weeks in the middle :) Maybe March will be perfect!

Anywho, I am running low on my sticker supplies so I went on the hunt a few weeks ago for a buttload of stickers and I found them at a this website. There was a lot of variety and I can't wait to start using them to give myself some sticker love!
It's hard to tell what they are from the photo, but basically there are bugs, smiley faces, sea creatures, snowmen, balloons, kids, stars, apples, dogs, cats, suns and ones that say things like "Top Notch." I know it is a silly thing, but it makes me feel really great to have a two sticker day!

Have a two sticker day,

2/16/10

Richard Simmons Made Me Cry

During my prolonged illness, I have been watching a lot of crap TV. Today, I was lucky enough to catch the 100th episode of Dr. Oz and he was celebrating folks who had lost over 100 lbs. Some of these amazing folks shared some tips on how they lost the weight, here are some of their thoughts:
  • Losing weight is persistance + patience. We didn't gain the weight in two weeks and we won't lose it in two weeks.
  • Losing weight turned my fear into freedom.
  • When I'm hungry in between meals I set the kitchen timer for 15 minutes. When it dings I reevaluate if I am hungry, 9 times out of 10 - I'm not.
  • I drink the juice I crave out of the small bathroom paper cups, or I put that amount into my water.
  • If I am at a party or event I rate the food from 1 to 10. If it is a 10 then I have a little of it.
  • Get rid of your "fat" clothes when you shrink out of them.
  • If I have a treat, then I do an extra 10 minutes of physical activity.
  • I know my trigger foods and I have found healthy alternatives for them.
  • 15 calorie sugar free popsicles for my sweet fix.
  • Automate your life, create routines to maintain your healthy lifestyle.

Richard Simmons was also a guest on the show, it really is amazing what he has been doing for the past 30 years. He has a huge heart and got weepy a few times when talking about his journey. He, of course, has been made fun of a lot for his antics, but at the end of the day he only wants to support people along their weight loss journey. Anywho, one of the things he said was just so sweet, "know that you are worth more than all the rainbows in the sky." I admit it, I am a total sap and cry and the drop of the hat, but I think it is really important that in order to be successful in this journey to lose weight and in life, it is imperative that we all know that we are important. If we don't value ourselves nobody else will.

Since we have all started on this journey we have decided that we are important. It is important that we live as healthy as we can so we can accomplish all the amazing things on our bucket lists.

Hopefully, I will soon be able to resume my workout schedule. I did some walking today, but it wore me out pretty quick. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Here is to being worth more than all the rainbows in the sky,

2/15/10

Doctor, Doctor!

Went to the doctor today and they are not going to release me back to work until Monday. I was trying for sometime this week, but then they freaked me out about getting worse so I decided to stick with the doctor's advice.

How's my eating? Terrible, when I was miserablely strolling the supermarket after I was released from the hospital I got mostly pasta, because that is easy to eat. I hope to make it to the store tomorrow to pick up some mushy healthier options.

How's my working out? Non-existent. I barely have the energy to sit upright at the moment so I haven't worked out. As soon as I am feeling better though it will be full steam ahead.

I have to say that being knocked on my a** with this illness has pissed me off. The good news is, is that I am excited to get back in the swing of taking better care of myself. Maybe tomorrow I can do at least a 15 minute workout, or just take a long leisurely walk, we'll see. I am just crossing my fingers that I don't gain back the weight I lost in January, but if I do, you better bet your bottom that it will come off again!

Love to you all!

2/13/10

Gird Your Loins

Girl Scout Cookie season is upon us folks, stay strong for me and I will stay strong for you!


2/12/10

What's best

Trying to take care of oneself is hard with the responsibilities of your life circling in your mind. I didn't get as much rest as I should've today because I was stressing about what needs to be done. I am going to try and do better tomorrow.

Didn't work out today, I think the combination of Percocet and aerobics wouldn't be the most genius move on my part. But I have been trying to stay as mobile as is comfortable for me. Since my bed is on the 2nd level and the kitchen is on the first level, it has kind of been forced on me :)

2/11/10

Down, But NOT Out

Hi all - So this has been a crazy fun week - NOT :)

I've been sick and was admitted to a hospital on Tuesday. Just made it home after the 2 hour long discharge and 1 hour of waiting for my new prescriptions to be filled. The insurance company wouldn't pay for one of the prescription, because it was for the same antibiotic I got on Sunday. Mind you I threw out that first prescription because the Dr. wrote me a new one and we all know you have to finish a full round of antibiotics. But anyway the prescription was only $17.50 so F* the insurance company,  I paid for it my damn self - they don't own me!

There are a lot of things you think about while laying in a hospital bed (other than why daytime TV is so horrible). One of the things that I kept thinking about was that I am still fairly "healthy" for a fat person. I don't have any of the diseases or symptoms that WILL eventually come along with carrying the extra weight. The key word of course in that last sentence is WILL.

*Warning very personal info in the next paragraph*

On Sunday when I was in the most pain I've been in in a very long time. I kept thinking "What if this kills me? What if after I finally I make the decision to change my lifestyle a tooth infection kills me? Who does it really affect if I die?" When you're single with no kids that tends to cross your mind when faced with death. We are constantly reminded how important family is, and it is not that I don't think having kids and a husband would be great, but that just hasn't been my path in life yet. Now, of course, when I was in the hospital my mom, dad, brother, BFF, 3 bosses, a few friends and the teenagers that I work with let me know I am important to them, which means more than anything in the entire world. Even if just one person would be hurt by my leaving, isn't that enough? I think so, because if you were that one person, it would matter to you.

Anyway, I am not going to weigh in this week, I am going to take care of myself and listen to my body (I have the most genius ideas sometimes) and do what I can. When I am able to get my 30 minute workouts done again I will, until then all I can do is my best.

Sorry, if this is a little scattered, I am sure I will have more fluid thoughts in the days to come. Can't wait to catch up on everyone's blogs tomorrow!

2/10/10

MIA

It's been a bad week, will catch you all up later, but I wanted to post so that you didn't think I forgot about you all. Hope everyone's journey is going well, I will let you all in all the "exciting" activities of the past week once I am back in the saddle.

2/5/10

Day 34 - It just keeps going and going and going...

Greetings all!

Still just trying to make it through to Sunday (well really until the end of March, but let's not think about that). I have taken some "me" time this week, which I don't have time for, but which I need. I went and saw a musical on Wednesday and it was WAY too much fun and tonight I went to dinner with a friend and watched Saw VI. Saw definitely isn't for everyone, but I do love them for some sick reason.

My weekly weigh-in is tomorrow. Not sure if I will have a loss this week, but either way I am still making progress. This week has been tough and normally I would take that as a pass to not worry about my health, but (minus the two dinners out this week) I have only been eating food I have cooked/prepared at home. Working out has been rough this week with many late nights working on homework and such. I've still worked out everyday, but it hasn't been as hard or as long as I would've liked (hmmm, did that sound dirty?)

Anywho, hope you all are doing well!

2/4/10

Day 33 - I had a dream...about you

Hi all - just a quick post. This week has been nuts, just trying to make it to Sunday :)

I have a few memories that center around me being overweight, I've shared one and here is another. By giving it up to the blogging world I feel that I am minimizing the power of these memories by releasing them from the dark recesses of my mind.


Another saga from Days of Being Fat:

I was at a party years ago and one of my guy friends came up to me and said, "I had this dream about you last night, you had lost a lot of weight and you were totally hot."

Hmmm, what does one say to that? :)

2/2/10

Day 31 - Premature Comentation

Did the title catch your attention? Thought it might :) Yes, I know that "comentation" isn't a real word, because my spellcheck tells me so.

I got the nothing could be better, most amazing compliment today..."You're looking thinner, are you losing weight?"


BA-BAM!

I feel it is a little premature since it was from someone who knows my plan to lose and it is only 6.4 lbs so far - but F* it I'll take it!

Have too much work to do, so I'm off to SAVE THE WORLD!  

No, I am not drunk, how dare you :)

Sleep tight bloggerland!

2/1/10

Day 30 - One month down


Greetings all - This is a photo of my wall calendar - for every day that I work out, I put 2 stickers to mark that day as complete. LOOK HOW PRETTY!!! Look how naked the 1st and 2nd look, so very, very sad :(

It is one small thing that makes me feel very good. It's so nice to proudly put two stickers on a day and mark the achievement. Hopefully next month I won't have any "naked" days.

One thing I have been thinking about is how to "reward" myself for goals being met and what would those goals be for me?

Would it be weight-driven? Measurement driven? Number of times working out driven? Number of days I have been eating right?

Also - what would those rewards be? In the midst of trying to lose weight I am also trying to control my spending a bit more, so I don't want extravagant rewards or food rewards. I think food rewards would be a slippery slope for me.  I don't feel a need at the moment to look forward to a reward other than the additional sticker on the calendar, but as the process will be long I do want to mark my achievements - whatever they may be...

What are your milestones? What are you choosing to reward yourself with?

1/31/10

Day 29 - The Downside of Weight Loss

Morning all - I forgot to celebrate yesterday, so without further adieu:

4 weeks of working out EVERY DAY!!
and
1 week of eating healthy!!

It's all very exciting for me. One thing is making this journey very difficult. In my already packed schedule I have less time to "get things done." Since I workout every morning I have to get to bed at a reasonable time. What's wrong with that? You may ask. Well, I used to complete a lot of my projects late at night, and now I have to let things slide. Which doesn't make me happy. Plus being sick two days last week and getting nothing done has completely thrown me off with all my activities. Now, today I need to:
  • Finish three projects
  • Write four papers
  • Buy/find stuff for Saturday's set construction
  • Read four chapters from an awful textbook
  • Create a handout for my volunteer gig
PLUS:
  • Go grocery shopping
  • Prepare my meals for the week
  • Clean my house
  • Laundry
I know I won't be able to get it all done in the next day, so some will spill into Monday night and Tuesday night, so cross your fingers for me...off to complete an endless to do list.

1/30/10

Day 28 - Blogger Award and Weigh-In

Afternoon bloggerland,

I had a weigh-in this morning, good news, I lost 2 lbs, yea! I think it would've been more if I wasn't sick the past couple days, but I'm glad I broke the 2 lbs mark.

In more local news, 266 was kind enough to bestow my first blogger award on me, yea! I'm amazed at the amount of quality bloggers I have found over the past month, and I am so glad I decided to enter bloggerland to help with my weight loss journey.

To celebrate this award I need to first list 10 things that make me happy:

1. My brother, I don't know how I would've survived without him.
2. My BFF, Andi, I am so lucky to have a friend that "gets me" and listens to my constant stream of bullsh*t.
3. Being independent - owning a home, paying bills off - never thought I would make it here.
4. Theatre - watching it, working in it, living it.
5. Working with teenagers - believe it or not.
6. Road trips!!!
7. My bed, my comfy comfy bed.
8. Finally, FINALLY, working towards a healthier life.
9. Completing a project.
10. Endless possibilities.

And now to recognize some others, I went through all the bloggers I am currently following and being followed by, tried to find folks I enjoy that haven't recently received an award:

1. Tisha at http://tallensweightloss.blogspot.com/
2. Little Ms Blogger at http://littlemsblogger.blogspot.com/
3. Tina at http://fatgirldivesin.blogspot.com/
4. Get Fit After 40 at http://getfitby40.blogspot.com/
5. Missa at http://losingethel.blogspot.com/
6. Carolina Girl at http://thirtyawakenings.blogspot.com/
7. She Woke Up Fat at http://shewokeupfat.blogspot.com/

Ok, only made it to 7, most people I have met in bloggingland have recently won one (that's how I found them:) But I love these blogs so I would like to give them one. Not that I don't love the other blogs (holy crap, why am I feeling so guilty)...

Anyway, I'm sure if I win another one I will be following even more peeps and feel like I have a right to give it to anyone I d*mn well please (not that I didn't want to give it to the 7 listed above - holy sh*t what is wrong with me today?!?).

I'm going to stop while I am (semi) ahead.

Love you all in bloggerland, will talk to you soon!

1/29/10

Day 27 - Doubts

Hi all - still sick, and I will post about my blogger award tomorrow, but I just don't have the right energy today. Didn't manage a great workout today, but I did do one, so that's good. When I am sick, like so many others, I have a negative voice that is more prevelant in my mind which I would very much like to  SHUT UP! It's the one that sounds like a combination of every mean girl I have come across. She says to me:
  • You will never. EVER. be skinny.
  • You've always been FAT just accept it.
  • You will never stick to anything.
  • You will never make anything of yourself, cat lady.
  • No man will ever love you.
  • You're pathetic.
  • I don't know why you even try, you know you will fail.
  • Why aren't you just happy with you 9-5 job, you should be grateful and give up on your "dreams."
I really think these thoughts are a natural part of growth. When I was younger, I gave into these thoughts. I quit jobs, friendships, dreams and sadly I believed this voice in my head. Now that I am (older and) wiser I know that these thoughts stem from fear and doubt. When I don't worry about the future, I am happier. Who really knows what the future will bring? All I know is that I need to do everything I can today.

Here's to hoping we can all make that voice of doubt a little smaller today.

1/28/10

SQUEAL!!!!

One more update for the day, received my first award from 266 will post about it tomorrow, but too excited not to say something about it now!

Day 26 - Is it me?


Hi World - been ill today, managed a workout this morning before the sicky monster hit me and have eaten well. So I wanted to post a super, happy, jolly, cheerleading post to help me through the day.

Thoughts I am looking forward to:

Is it me or...

  • did he just check me out?
  • is my waist looking small?
  • is my a*s looking tight?
  • is my skin glowing?
  • am I looking totally hot?
  • did I just fit into a size 6?
  • do I look amazing in this strapless dress?
  • did that no-whip, no-syrup, no-sugar plain coffee just taste fantastic?
  • do I look great in a swimsuit?
  • did an hour of cardio used to be hard?
  • did that mean girl from high school totally not recognize me?
  • did I just buy “normal” clothes in a “normal” store?
  • did I just meet my goal of losing 77 lbs?
Keep on truckin ya'll :) Back to bed for me.

1/27/10

Day 25 - A toast to my fat

I posted a lot yesterday, so to try and balance everything in my life, here is a little ditty for your enjoyment.

This one is for my nearly lifelong companion, you the fat the clings to my waist. You, my  fat friendemy:

Here's to you and here's to me,

But now that I want you to leave,

F*** YOU and here's to me!

1/26/10

Thank you notes Tuesday, with a twist - Couldn't resist


Think Tank Momma
Thanks to Dual Mom who borrowed it from Think Tank Momma, I decided to join the bandwagon and try my hand at being snarky with a few thank you notes:

Dear Teacher:

Thank you for reusing your teaching materials for the past 5 years and only partially editing them for this class. It has really been a f*cking fantastical way for me to stretch my brain to try and figure out if something is due on a Tuesday or Wednesday. Also, I have really appreciated the added bonus of reading chapters that I didn't have to read. I can't tell you how many times I am sitting around doing nothing thinking "Gee, I really wish I had some more textbook chapters I could read." Oh and by the way keep the vague criticism coming, I love guessing what the h*ll you meant by your last comment, it's a real f*cking brain teaser.

Dear Cats:

You know what I love? Coming home to see you have ripped into a trash bag. It reminds me of how to stay on top of my cleaning. Just think, before you barged into my life I would actually leave a trash bag in the living room for 10 minutes before taking the hike to the dumpster. Please know when I am trying to cook dinner and I trip over you because you are waiting for a potential food drop, it reminds me how important it is to stay on my toes. Geez without you I would be completely lost.

P.S. I love it when you sit on a table and stare at me, it is really comforting to know that you are waiting for me to die love me so much.

Dear Furnace:

It's like winning the lottery with you when you work. We've had a good last month, but remember when it was -30 outside and you would not turn on? That was awesome, it was like playing Russian Roulette - a real adrenaline rush. A*S Thx!!!

Dear Person Who Hit My Car And Left The Scene:

Thank you. Thank you so much for hitting my parked car so hard that I could drive it. Because of you I had the pleasure of driving a POS for three weeks with the added benefit of paying for it. Good thing you didn't leave your information, because it probably would've been a huge pain in the a*s for you and financially straining. I would hate to see you have to deal with anything like that. Lucky for me, it was a dream to deal with and taught me many life lessons. F*ck Thank you so much.

Dear Helpdesk:

Don't worry about fixing my laptop, it's no big deal. I know you have a lot on your plate and really at the end of the day my problem isn't that important. What do I need to connect to a network for? I can get so much done without email and internet access. I've really learned how to "do without." Thanks.

Dear Nameless Colleagues:

Thank you for letting me know you are too busy to meet that deadline or work on that project. I'm glad you told me in such a timely manner so that I have ample time to get it done. God forbid, you miss a night out, yoga or your favorite TV program to work on this. It's not really your job after all is it? Oh, it is? No worries, it's not like I have anything else to do. I am here to serve you. I know you need it done by Friday (for some f*cking reason completely unknown to me) and you need it done "like you would do it" because you so f*cking perfect and everything. You are so much better, smarter, more creative than I could ever be. You're the biggest f*cktard on the planet best!

Dear Extended Family:

Whenever we see each other, I just feel so dang welcomed by you. You always tell me how proud you are of my parents, my brother and me. And you are soooo open-minded. You've opened my eyes to all the different points of view there are in this world. You've always been so supportive of me being from parents of two different religious and ethnic backgrounds. You give me the nicest compliments on my physical features. It has become our regular game, hasn't it, trying to figure out if my hair is Mexican or Irish. How did my skin come out so pale? It's like a hereditary mystery. So proud to call you my family, thanks!

Dear Twilight Fans:

I love how much parade your love of Twlight. It is really interesting to me, really. I read the book, it was awesome, really awesome, so completely awesome. The writing was amazing, truly amazing, spectacularly amazing. And Edward? He is beautiful, so beautiful, so breathtakingly beautiful. No, I totally agree with you, Interview with a Vampire was too bloody and too dark. Vampires should glitter. Thank you for showing me the light.

Hmm, originally I was just going to do one, but d*mn that felt good! (kiss a*s apology to any Twilight fans who read my blog - please don't stop following/reading my blog, I will never mention it again)

Have a good night!

Day 24 - New template

I found a template background that I like better, so I'm using it for the time being. I should be able to figure out how to make my own, but that means finding some extra time in my days. Which is next to impossible, for anyone that knows me IRL, when I am busy I am really busy and I go from 6am to 10pm most days. Between work, part-time work, part-time school and volunteering, I don't have a lot of "me" time. Most of the time I really enjoy most of what I do, so it doesn't seem that bad. Also, I used to not really do anything, so I feel like I am playing catch up.

I had a break from most things for a few weeks until 1/11. For some reason I have had a harder time (I think) than normal getting back into the swing of things. I have also had more bitter thoughts about not having much "free" time. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel and not feel like I am running on a hamster wheel.

But if all goes as planned (or as not planned) I will not always be in this situation. Or if I am, I will be spending more time working with friends or working on things I truly love.

Working out is going well, I only did about 15 minutes this morning, because I really did not want to get out of bed (my bed was the perfect temperature and it was that dusky pink sunrise light - yes I was in bed until sunrise - and my cats were both in the way of getting out of bed) and my sore leg. The leg is better this afternoon though so I should be fine to go back to Tae Bo tomorrow.

Anyway, back to work, thanks for the break, blog world :)

1/25/10

Day 23 - Fortune

I am so freakin' sore. My thighs feel like evil fairies are pulling my leg muscles in every direction possible...of course it might help if I took a pain reliever instead of b*tch about it...

I don't have great luck with psychic readings, palm readings or fortune cookies. They usually come out with very negative futures. I am happy to report I did recently get a good fortune cookie:

"Your dreams are never silly depend on them to guide you."